Couples Therapy
Are the conflicts with your partner getting worse? Do minor misunderstandings escalate?
Couples tend to reach out to me when they feel lost, unsure of how to stop the conflicts with their partner. We feel heartache when the person we love and need most is yelling at us, or ignoring, or shutting us out.
It’s lonely and scary to be stuck in conflict. You may worry about where the relationship is going. You may feel wounded by the back and forth volleys of slights and criticisms.
How many mornings have you both awaken in pain, a bad argument the night before still stinging inside? How many waking hours have been lost to feeling so badly you can barely speak to each other? How many nights have you spent lying awake beside each other, or in separate rooms, wondering where this is all going?
Get your relationship back on track.
Relationships are not easy. Life is no romantic comedy. It’s something far more profound. It’s two human beings, trying to navigate the rollercoaster of life’s ups and downs, all of the disappointments, setbacks, and losses, and all of the day-to-day stressors of navigating work, financial matters, family dynamics, and childcare, and just when things couldn’t get any worse, the kids get sick or their school shuts down. Life’s ups and downs can rock the boat of even the most solid relationships.
When we feel worried, stressed, or tired, it can be really hard to reach for our partner for the love we need, especially if they are also feeling stressed and tired. Add to that that you both are two distinct individuals, molded by unique backgrounds and life experiences, differences that are no doubt attractive when things are going smoothly, but which, in the midst of conflict, can lead to misunderstanding and confusion : Why is my partner acting this way? Can’t they see that I need them to be kind and caring to me right now?”
The good news is that together, we can provide you and your partner with the tools and the skills to re-establish connection, to heal ruptures where they’ve happened, and create depths of new understanding so that you and your partner can stay connected and engaged no matter what life’s ups and downs bring.
I utilize two highly-effective forms of couples therapy: Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) and Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT). EFT teaches you and your partner greater emotional control in your communication, which in turn deepens the sense of trust and connection between you. Imago Therapy teaches you both tools and structured dialogs that enable you both to feel seen, heard, and valued, so that you can navigate even the most challenging disagreements effectively. From a place of safety, you find it easier to access the joy and aliveness that brought you together in the first place. Together, you create a new chapter for your relationship characterized by deepening trust, confidence, and mutual satisfaction.
Below are some common concerns about beginning couples therapy :
Is it a bad sign if we need therapy?
No. Relationship distress is normal. Nearly all marriages and relationships encounter times of misunderstanding and disconnection. Seeking to work on your relationship, to confront the challenges instead of avoiding them, is a sign of strength.
Therapy is expensive, isn’t it?
Therapy is an investment in your happiness. Indeed, therapy is a big commitment of time and money. The benefits are increased potentials for joy and connection in the most important relationship in your life for years to come. Many couples find that the benefits are well-worth the investment, especially when comparing positive outcomes of deeper satisfaction and fulfillment together, versus enduring the pain of repeated conflicts and disconnection and the potentials of break-up or divorce.
I’m worried I’m going to feel judged. Are you going to referee?
I work very hard to create safety so that both you and your partner feel heard, cared for, and understood. I don’t take sides. Contrary to the old idea of couples therapy, of couples arguing in session, basically none of our time will be spent in argument. When issues arise, I help you focus on the needs and longings that exist beneath the anger. I help you and your partner discover the underlying emotional mechanics that drive your conflicts so that you can learn to skillfully prevent them from happening.
I don’t take sides. Forget the notion of therapist as referee. I validate you wherever you are at. Together, we bring kindness and curiosity to whatever arises and learn to communicate the important longings beneath the hurt feelings and cross words.
I establish safety. I know how hard it can be to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with someone you hardly know. I value the courage this takes and make sure you feel heard, validated, and understood in our work together.
I instill hope. Couples come to therapy in pain, scared their partner doesn’t really love them, or that their relationship is failing. From the very first session, I work to give you a renewed sense of hope, strength, and possibility in the relationship.
Click here for a free 20-Minute phone consultation
We can discuss your situation and how we can create the change you wish to see.
If you wish to get started now, call or text: (720) 598-2098
Start bringing new life to your relationship today with insights below.
